The struggle

Ok Folks, here it is. I've been thinking about writing this blog for a long time now. I actually can't believe that I'm writing it now. Maybe I will never publish it.

Living in Vietnam is not hard. I don't want to brag, but I really feel like I was created for this. I love it. I love living here and meeting people and trying to speak the language. It was not a difficult transition, adjustment, whatever people ask about. I miss some people, but for the most part, I love living here.

However... I think we all know that the devil knows where we are weak. And I try not to be too cynical, but I also take it as a compliment that the devil cares enough about me to find out just how I will struggle the most and to attack me. The first weakness would be men, and the nun-like existance we have here. We're lonely for male friends and Vietnam welcomes us with open arms, a plethora of men my age, motorbike driving, overly complimentary, gaze-at-me-for-hours-because-they-have-nothing-better-to-do-maybe, eager husbands in waiting. But that's actually another blog for another time. It is not my greatest struggle at the moment. Just a temptation that is there, like a stalker who is willing to wait--and that's actually more of a true story and less of an anology...

My confession is something that I really thought I could work through. I thought we weren't pr@ying enough, we weren't talking through enough, we weren't being honest enough. We are having problems living together. I KNEW that living with someone would be hard. I think I even knew that it might be my greatest struggle. But I never could have imagined how hard it really is.

And there's something else going on here. There HAS to be. We have acknowledged that we believe there is spiritual warfare here, in this country. In this apartment. I don't like talking about things because of that whole, "talk to, not about" idea. But that theory doesn't work here. If we're angry with each other and we can't get anywhere arguing, than we're not talking about it.

There are feelings of resentment and hatred here. Bitterness and jealousy. Fatigue. Hopelessness. I have never had problems that I thought were unsolvable, but over 6 weeks left of living together brings me to tears. Each week brings stronger arguments. We hurt each other, then we cry and pr@y and hope to get through another week.

We don't know what to do. We don't even know how to ask for help. Thanks for your pr@yers.