I want to be the moon

Today is Saturday. Hôm nay làThứ bảy. ( or at least it was when I started this post)

The hardest day of the week. By far. Or by like a billion.

But this past week had a little extra negative, so Saturday wasn't as terrible this week. I like to see the silver lining in things...

We've been having some issues at our place of employment. Andrea, am I allowed to talk about this? I'll try not to say too much; and we'll just call it a cultural misunderstanding. In fact we've had a number of "cultural misunderstandings" while working here. We are working on a contract and a fixed salary, so it is easy to give us the classes that no one wants and classes with a moment's notice, or without curriculum. Last year we were even blamed a few times for not showing up to class, when actually no teachers were told about the class. It's a face-saving culture, but it's not always our faces.

Last week was full of failed attempts to retrieve our paychecks for the past month and a half. We were almost out of money. I tried every indirect approach I could think of, to no avail. I tried to hint through, texts, emails, and finally in person that we might not be able to continue teaching without receiving pay. Nada.

So a more direct approach was made, and it was made higher up (with a little help). And I don't know what we did wrong, or how we could have done it differently, but I received a rude (and misspelled) text message shortly after and when I returned the call, I received the harshest phone call that I can remember having. He didn't even give me a chance to speak! And when he did, I only asked if he had other teachers who were currently working without pay. As usual, I should have just kept my mouth shut.

He sternly told me that he wanted to meet with me later and told me to come early. Jenni and I came two hours before class and I sweated and pryed and wondered how much more of his yelling I was willing to take having done nothing wrong. He never came. To make a long story short, we have received most of our pay and our relationship with the people in our office has gone down hill. Other than the normal gossip and taking advantage of us, there's more lying and then just smiling angels to our faces.

Gzus kissed his betrayer on the cheek. But he also busted over some tables when there was stuff going on that wasn't right! I don't have genuine love for these certain people, and a smiling face from me would be full of contempt. I want to be at this school, but I have no idea what we're supposed to do. I'm skeptical and have little (to no) respect for them now... Even as I write this, I know the answer is 'love them anyway.' I'm just not feelin' it yet. Maybe we can just love everyone but them.

That day when I got off the phone with him and I wanted to scream, I went for a run with the ipod. I listen to Sarah Groves sometimes and I've heard this song a lot, but apparently I've never actually listened to the lyrics. You are the Sun:

You are the sun shining down on everyone
Light of the world giving light to everything I see
Beauty so brilliant I can hardly take it in
And everywhere you are is warmth and light

And I am the moon with no light of my own
Still you have made me to shine
And as I glow in this cold dark night
I know I cannot be a light unless I turn my face to you

Shine on me with your light
Without you I'm a cold dark stone
Shine on me I have no light of my own
You are the sun, you are the sun, you are the sun
And I am the moon