For Kris

Happy Buy Myself Flowers Day to you all! I can't believe it's already here again. I had two new classes today, including a class of 20 six-year olds, and over 8 hours of teaching overall today, so it was a good day for flowers... This particular blog is dedicated to Kris Carlson. Because she noticed (and mentioned) my recent absence from the cyber world. It wasn't very long, but I noticed, and I really appreciate that someone else noticed. I mean it. I had a strange couple of days and that was just good to hear. I don't have time or space to write all of the other things that she has done for me or ways she has encouraged me, so for today it is because she made me feel loved when I really needed it.

In your honor, Kris, I took a lot of pictures of funny signs. I regret to inform you that none of them were appropriate to put on a blog (which may seem confusing based on what else I write today). Here is the cleanest one:

The reasoning behind my absence is that we finally moved and our new apartment didn't have internet. The rest of this blog is how this time without internet played out. It's kind of gross, so if you don't want to know more intimate details about my health, turn back now. Sorry Kris that the blog I dedicate to you is the gross one. So I also dedicate the picture of the dragon statue and my flowers today to you too, if that helps...

I started to feel like I was getting a cold on Monday. A cold is fine. It's annoying because if my students hear me sniffle, they will put on their masks, which makes me feel like a plague, and makes them so hard to understand. My throat hurt and I was getting lots of goop in my right eye.

That night (Monday), Erica and I were planning to go have soup. I tried a new soup while she was gone and I wanted her to try it. I just wanted to use the bathroom before we left. I had to go number two, but when I wiped there was blood all over the toilet paper (instead of what I expected...). My heart just about stopped beating and I came running out to show Erica (don't you all wish you lived with me?). Actually, I probably came out slowly and dramatically, eyes glazed, thinking that I was about to die...

The good news is that I felt fine, besides being a little stunned. I called Suz, a teammate who is also a paramedic. I don't even remember what Suz said to me, but I felt reassurred and went to sleep fine that night.

Several hours later, around 3 AM (Tuesday), I woke up. My right eye was bothering me so I went to the bathroom to look in the mirror. My eye was red where it was supposed to be white and almost swollen shut. I woke Erica, nervous again, and asked her to pr*y with me. Then I went back to sleep, assuring G*d how much better of a person I would be if I was completely healed in the morning.

At six, I woke up and it wasn't better. My eye was still red, swollen, goopy, and itchy. I showered, and then put some ice on it for a while, trying to stall until the doctor's office opened, though the number I had for them didn't work anyway.

Here I am after icing it:

I talked to Suz again that morning and she made me feel better again, but it didn't take long for my mind to race, thinking of the worst possible scenarios about my eye and whatever else was wrong with me. I was hot and uncomfortable, my head throbbed, my throat still sore. I was self-conscious when people stared and I wondered if the doctors here would even be able to treat me.

Erica and I took a bus to the doctor in District One. She tried to relate to me, tried to sympathize, but I didn't want to hear any of it. We argued and I was defensive because I didn't want to think about anyone or anything but myself. Pity ME! What else is going on today? NOTHING. In my world, there is ME and I am scared and a million miles from everyone and everything. So instead of rallying support, I rejected it.

I was told that I have bacterial conjunctivitis and it has been going around the city, especially in children. Here are some eyedrops. You aren't going to die or go blind. I breathed a sigh of relief. My doctor (she was GREAT, Philipino, spoke perfect English, very reassuring to me) told me to be careful or it could spread to my other eye. Too late. Before we got home on the bus, my left eye had the color and sting to match my right.

I was still achy and cranky and vain for the rest of the night and into the morning. No internet, no t.v., couldn't find anything because we just moved, and I felt like my body was betraying me and falling apart.

It all sounds so dramatic now, looking back. The eye drops are working and my eyes seem much better, though I'm majorly paranoid about putting my contacts back in anytime soon. The doctor had me bring a stool sample back the next day, just to check that out a little more. That was fun to carry on the bus for 45 minutes in the heat.

But I'm fine. No problems. I just wanted to share a couple of days when I was afraid and didn't have much contact with anyone else. I'm not super proud of the way I handled it, or how little faith I always discover I have. I'm glad it's over(ish), but I'm glad it happened. Sometimes it's good for me to be afraid. And I was shown some love from a couple of my new friends here. I was texted several times for updates on my health and one girl brought cake by the apartment.

I am very disappointed in the pictures because I wanted them to look more pathetic so you'd feel sorry for me, but my eyes don't even look that bad here. Maybe a little creepy.

Thanks Kris and everyone for keeping me in your thoughts.